Wednesday, November 3, 2010

HELP ME IF YOU CAN


This topic resonates with at the moment, as recently there were times in my life upon for example upon returning from the Netherlands, four years ago  (we lived there for 7 years had the first two babies there) that I really needed help from my old friends and quite frankly only a handful stepped up to the plate - I was too needy- too angry - too grumpy-  too hard to deal with and really they could not be bothered.  No empathy was used I'd just left my entire family (long story my mother educated us in Australia then returned to the Netherlands) great house and community - arrived back to no house - no friends and John conservative Howard still in government.

Let me preface,  I have been brought to always make a little extra in case a visitor should turn up - and what a great way to live your life there is always something extra for someone else even if it means you do with out. Can I also say those friends that did step up to the plate have commented and delighted in watching me cope and leave my depressed self to a happily settled and contented person - okay some of the time. Our relationships are so much stronger for them being there.

We also just recently lost my husband's father - I was 5 months pregnant and as Felicity commented I got help from people in the form of sympathy not empathy - and you know what I did not want it. I felt like they were almost disaster tourists.  My only concern was my Husband. I actually had to grow up and this time it was not about me but about me helping my family. I felt that they were helping cause they wanted to be part of the drama - I did not want to "talk" the help I needed was basic - meals - child care etc  So when you offer help make sure it is empathetic and what they need not what you want to give.

So here is what I know about help today - generally it is the same people that help and the rest turn their backs.  Our Parents assoc. has the same core members that work at the cake stalls etc each time.  I have no problem with this, however, when we are cleaning up I often wonder when the other parents are watching us clean without offering to help - what message this sends to the children.  you see my heart sung with joy when as we were leaving for the Halloween school dance -  baby in one arm, my son and I carrying a gazillion brownies in all other spare arms - He commented "it's true mum you know,  what Mr Liston(headmaster) said - you and the other mum's that always help are great - you always help mum I like that".  OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES, how wonderful that he sees us involved helping grow and nourish a community.

We have all become a little self involved - recently I had a blazing row with a person whom had chosen not to have children and was exceptionally derisive at the extra help we received from the government and work place to accommodate having children.  I ended the argument with one day one of my children could be your  your nurse, Doctor, fireman or even accountant - but in order for this to happen we need HELP from the greater community so that one day we can HELP you when you need it.

So charity begins at Home and maybe even closer than that in you Heart.

An other post script - isn't funny or maybe not - how we help our children to help themselves and not necessarily with what they want."some one wipe my bum" screams my middle child - now to help teach her to wipe her bum before she starts school next year....................

2 comments:

  1. So, so true.

    I love that you make me think about these topics in a new and fresh way AND today reminded me of other ways in which I 'am' really helping.

    To teach a child about core values by 'doing' is very powerful and you are living a wonderful example for your children.

    I'm a strong advocate of helping children to help themselves ala the wisdom of 'if you teach a man to fish...'.
    Of course more often than not they won't like this but such is the nature of 'tough love'.

    Felicity x

    PS Thank you for writing-along each day, it really is special to read your posts x

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  2. Everytime I think that my kids are sucking the life force out of my body with their incessant demands they will do something glorious to remind me how delicious they are.

    As you know love, when a child looks at a another child who has wings on his shirt they are breathless with anticipation. Cameron can you fly?

    Thank god some of that amazement slips over us and allows us to keep going even when we really think that we cant do it any more...

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